I heard the tail-end of a “report” on governmentium, a new “scientific element”, early the other morning on CBC Radio One’s Metro Morning. Courtesy of the Dull Men’s Club:
bq. A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
(insert non-offensive festive wishes here)