Weblog and Playground of Gord Fynes

A few weeks ago, I was out having a few drinks with friends when the discussion revolving around TV and movies turned to the latest installment in The Up Series (7 Up, 14 Up, 21 Up, etc.). Feeling the effects of alcohol (like you do), I wound up twisting the series concept into something a little more humorous: The Fibonacci Up Series. I’d been meaning to do something with this idea for a while now. I suppose it could have started with age five, but since the original series started at age seven, and eight being the closest number in the sequence, I decided to start there.

So, what to do on Superbowl Sunday when you don’t watch football, it’s too bloody cold to spend much time outside (-13ºC, not including the windchill), and you’re in the final “hurry up and wait” stage of your wife’s now overdue pregnancy? Why, screw around with Photoshop™, of course.

I recently watched a short documentary on YouTube on the late, great Canadian actor, Billy Van; he of House of Frightenstein fame. Mr. Van was recalling one day’s numerous takes on the show done in his Librarian character.

For those of you not familiar with the show, it was a B-movie monster show for Saturday mornings (circa 1971), featuring Vincent Price. Van played eight of the show’s eleven characters. The Librarian was the wispy-haired, raspy-voiced, wrinkly fossil that shuffled onto the darkened set, complete with eerie organ drones and distant howls. Once settled into his sofa chair, he proceeded to read shocking tales of horror, which were mostly popular children’s nursery rhymes that would fail to frighten anyone. ‘Twas all about the juxtaposition for a larf.

In this mini-doc, Mr. Van closes off with this wonderful poem from his own childhood, which he recites in his Librarian character:

As I awoke this morning
When all sweet things are born
A robin perched upon my sill
To signal the coming morn.

The bird was fragile, young and gay
And sweetly it did sing
The thought of happiness and joy
Into my heart did bring.

I smiled softly at the song
And as it paused – a lull
I gently closed the window
And crushed its fucking skull.

We miss you Billy.

So, Ricky Gervais, he of The Office and Extras fame, now has the number one podcast in the world. I’ve been listening for the past ten weeks and have done my part in contributing to Karl Pilkington’s new found cult status by submitting funnies and music to the gang.

On the subject of podcasts, check out the hilarious Harmon e. Phraysier shows done for Resonance FM and hope that The Wire’s Adventures in Modern Music shows will be available via podcast soon.

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Stop me if you’ve heard this one:

Conductor to orchestra at the start of rehearsal:

“Please get out your pencils. We have some marking to do. The first two bars are in 3/4, not 4/4 as written. Next, in the 5th bar, change it to 7/8 and this remains to the end. In bar 7 we lower the pitch half a step. In bar 13 lower the pitch one whole step and this will remain to the end. In bar 26 where it says strict tempo, cross that out and write in molto rubato. In bar 32 cross out the grand pause. And in bar 44, take out the legato and write in staccato.

Thank you. Let’s begin.”

Soprano soloist: “Excuse me, Maestro. What would you like me to change?”

Conductor: “Nothing at all, Madam. Sing it exactly as you did yesterday.”